Ultra Lord is definately NOT afraid of chookens!!!
by LeG-hUmPiNg TrEe MoNkIeS
Summary: MWPP with Lily, there are sometimes things that are more important then house loyality. this gets pretty random in later chapters... afew spelling & grammar errors so dont read if you dont like them... ~soon to come~ lions, nikky webster *shudder* & Xena!
1. Giggles & Giddiness

**Disclaimer** We own all the characters that we own (even though they are all based on real people that I know... except Obecia *cracks up* Muahahahahahahaha!!! I came up with her)  
  
*~warning~* This first chapter isn't very Harry Potterish... so if you read it, please read the next chapter!!!  
  
Evil Flying Monkeys!!!  
  
Chapter 1: Giggles and Giddiness  
  
One stupidly sunny day, four girls decided that they wanted to go outside their friend's house and test their magic. You see, they were witches! and they weren't actually supposed to test their magic till they got to school (Hogwarts) or they would get in trouble from the ministry of magic (especially since it was their first year at school and they didn't really know any magic yet).  
  
The four girls were either very brave... or VERY stupid.  
  
Their names were Alexia Present (also known as Lexi): tall (when I say tall... I mean stupidly tall), blonde, strait hair, pale skin and deep sea blue eyes... Beccy Fox: a little shorter than Lexi, straight strawberry blonde hair and brown/blue/green eyes (depending on her mood) and pale skin with a few frekers (frekers: a word I invented that coincidentally sounds a lot like and means freckles) dotted over her face... Brut-Hilda... I think its just Brut-Hilda... Anyhoo... has a darker complexion with curly brown hair that hangs down to her shoulders, hazel eyes with brown flecks... and then there was Obecia Eatwell... Obecia is the tag-along of the group... Obecia is the one everyone picks on... Obecia Eatwell is just like the saying `Eatwell by name... eat VERY well by reputation'!!! Obecia Eatwell is extremely obese... and it's her own fault as well... she's eating her family out of house and home!!! She has extremely greasy hair that is permanently plastered to her fat head... she NEVER showers!!! Her hair is as black as anything (I think its supposed to be dark brown... but its so dirty) and her skin is as white as snow... it makes her look like a ghost!!!  
  
Anyhoo... the girls were going to practise their magic out the front of Lexis' house, hers is easily in the best location and they had all slept the night and were going to sleep the night again and get a lift with Lexi's mother to Kings Cross Station so they can catch their train to school. The girls seated themselves in a circle on the ground and got comfortable for a moment before Brut-Hilda began "Okay!!! Oh-bezia!!! Give it meh!!!" in her Swedish accent.  
  
"Give you what?!?" Obecia asked  
  
"You know vot!!!" Brut-Hilda said (she had a way of intimidating Obesia)  
  
"No I don't!!!" Obesia almost yelled  
  
"GIVE IT HER!!!" Beccy yelled pointing at Brut-Hilda  
  
Obesia flinched then handed over a humming, yellow ball of fluff...  
  
"Please don't hurt Fluffy!!!" Obesia whimpered  
  
"Don't hurt Fluffy?!? What do you take us for?!?" asked Lexi, "Fluffy is boring!!! We're just going to improve Fluffy!!!"  
  
"BIBITY BOBITY BO!!!" Beccy yelled then smacked Fluffy over the head with her wand.  
  
"What kind of spell is that?!? We're trying to change its colour... not give it concussion!!!" laughed Lexi  
  
"I saw it on a movie!!! Cinderella!!! It's a Disney classic!!!" Beccy defended  
  
"Puffskein o peenk kudasai!!!" said Lexi then lightly tapped fluffy on the head.  
  
"Ummm... yous' arrrrrrrr both stoopid!!!" yelled Brut-Hilda, "Puffskeinus colouris pinkis!" then she waved her wand in an odd fashion and Fluffy exploded!!!  
  
"Oops!!! Sorry Obezia!!! I vill by shu a new won?!?" said Brut-Hilda meekly  
  
Obesia sat there, in shock, when an owl swooped down with a letter. It was obviously from the M.O.M (Ministry of Magick) (they had gotten a lot of them)  
  
Dear stupid girls, (it read)  
  
We have reason to believe that you have been using magic outside of school, AGAIN!!! Are you mocking us?!? Don't you believe that we will expel you?!? Don't challenge us, because we WILL expel you and you will have absolutely NO experience in Magick (Magick is a word we invented which sounds like and means (coincidently) magic! If you don't stop it then you WILL be expelled!!! And don't think we wont!!!  
  
Yours truthfully,  
  
(then it just had a list of ministry representatives)  
  
"Oh well, that was amusing for a while!!!" said Lexi with a Cheshire cat grin and skipped inside with Beccy. Brut-Hilda soon followed but Obesia just stayed outside scraping the remains of her pet Puffskein and muttering things like "They do this every time!!!" and "How would they like it if I killed all their pets?!?" then it started to rain so she figured that she'd better go inside.  
  
When she got to the front door and knocked to come in Lexi answered the door "No, we're not buying anything, we're not selling, we don't want any cookies, we don't like unexpected visitors, we don't want a new phone plan... oh, its you... you not allowed inside!!!"  
  
"Why not?!?" asked Obesia  
  
"Because you're all wet and you smell like wet dog!!!" Lexi said before slamming the door shut. Obesia stood there for a moment in a shocked silence before Lexi's mum came and let her in.  
  
They all ate some yummy food that I'll think of later and packed their stuff for school and went to bed.  
  
A/N: Muahahahahahahaha!!! Just you wait... we have heaps of chapters written, its just a matter of being bothered to type it up!!! So I can honestly say... it gets extremely random!!! Muahahahahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
~DaEvilBunny- soon to be Jo-Jo The Paranoid Cat (typed by)  
  
~Evil*Fairy (Edited by)  
  
~Rudi (who doesn't have an account)


	2. The Train

**Disclaimer** we own all the characters that we own (even though their all based on real people that I know... except Obecia *cracks up* Muahahahahahahaha!!! I came up with her)  
  
Evil Flying Monkeys!!!  
  
Ch. 2: The Train  
  
The next morning the girls get up very stupidly early, had a rushed breakfast of slightly burnt pancakes and ran upstairs into Lexis' parents room and started jumping on the bed to wake them up.  
  
"Lexi..." her mum grumbled half asleep "Do you really think it is necessary to get up at 4:00am?!?"  
  
"I dunno?" Lexi replied "We was bored!!!"  
  
"Well, go kill Obecia's' pet or something!!!" said Lexis' dad.  
  
"But we already did!!!" said Beccy then joined Lexi and Brut-Hilda in skipping out of the room, Obecia trotting behind.  
  
3 hours later they had their entire luggage and themselves in the car driving to Kings Cross station.  
  
"Obecia!!! Move over!!! Your too fat!!!" Beccy yelled at Obesia.  
  
"I'm not fat!!! I'm festively plump!!!" Obesia yelled back.  
  
"Festively plump for vot okasieon?!?" asked Brut-Hilda.  
  
"A special occasion for my religion" answered Obesia (her voice sounding unusually fat)... Obesia was Papanyadish (Pah-Pen-Yah-Dish), a religion that the other girls thought she made up... "The quezifadda, its quite fun!!!"  
  
"Obesia, darlink, you'll have to face it one day... your fat... and there's no such thing as Papanyadish!!!" remarked Beccy, staying serious until Brut-Hilda started laughing.  
  
Beccy, Obesia and Brut-Hilda kept squabbling like that for the whole trip, but Lexi wasn't paying any attention to her friends, she was watching the scenery dash past and daydreaming about wafting through a field of daisies. She was out of it until the houses suddenly came to a halt. She blinked a couple of times to register what happened then got out of the car. She pulled her trunk out of the boot and into a trolley.  
  
On the station there were a lot of people, but a few here and there stood out with large trunks. But there was a group of 4 boys that stuck out the most (wonder who they are?!?)  
  
"Ta, Ta darl!!! Must dash Lexi darling!!!" Lexis' mother said as she pulled Lexi into a one armed hug and bumped her jaw against her cheek.  
  
"Bye, bye..." Lexi said vaguely (still wafting through the field of daisies)  
  
Then her mum jumped in the car and drove off... it wasn't till she was out of sight till Brut-Hilda suddenly realized... dun, dun, dUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!  
  
"OT OH SPUGHETTI OHES!!!! Vee doesn't know how to get on zee platform!!!"  
  
"Good one Brut-Hilda!!! Now how are we spose to get on?!?" yelled Lexi  
  
"Why is eet MY fault?!?" asked Brut-Hilda  
  
"Because you sed that we cant get on so we cant now!!!" said Lexi  
  
"Well... we could always ask those cute guys over there... well... they're almost all cute... WHAT A BUMMER!!!" said Beccy  
  
"Well... you have to talk!!!" Lexi demanded  
  
"NO!!! Obesia should!!!"  
  
"Obecia cant talk to guys for shit!!!"  
  
"I can so!!!"  
  
"I `zink vee should play scissors, paper, rock to see vho has to talk!!!"  
  
"Great idea!!!"  
  
So after several games of scissors, paper, rock Lexi `lost' and `had' to talk to the guys. They walked up to the guys, with Lexi walking in the middle, Brut-Hilda and Beccy on one side and Obesia on the other side... it kinda looked like she took up enough space for 3 people so she walked on that side by herself!!! When they got close enough, Lexi tapped a tallish boy with peroxide blonde hair on the shoulder.  
  
"Hi!!!" she greeted as he turned around  
  
"Hi!!!" he replied with an I'm-up-to-a-devious-plan grin  
  
"My names Alexia... but please call me Lexi... this is Beccy, Brut-Hilda and the fat one is Obecia!!!" Lexi said as she pointed to each of the girls as she introduced them. Obecia glared at her when she said she was fat but Lexi almost started laughing when she saw that some devious fairies were flying around Obecia's head and were placing twigs and dead leaves in her hair, "Its our first year at Hogwarts and we... Ummm... we don't know how to get onto the platform!!!"  
  
"Well, hi there Lexi... my names Sirius... but you can call me `hey-you-there-in-the-bushes'" Lexi forced a smile at that comment but the other boys laughed mindlessly... "This is James, Remus and Peter. I `spose we can show you how to get on... but only if you go out with my friend Remus!!!" Lexi turned bright red and after a moment decided that it would be for the team... and it seemed that all the other Hogwarts students had already gone... so they were their last change!!!  
  
Lexi nodded and Beccy shook her and yelled "Lexi!!! You're a legend!!!"  
  
They slowly walked and talked for a while when Obecia suddenly yelled "Lexi!!! Watch out for the barrier!!!" but Lexi walked straight through it... and so did everyone else!!!  
  
"HA HA Obecia!!! You just made an ass of yourself!!!" Beccy commented when they were all through. One that side there was a great scarlet engine that looked like it had just had a fresh coat of paint. Parents were congregating around the train to see their kids off. James led the way to an empty carriage at the end of the train.  
  
"This is OUR carriage!!!" pointed out James  
  
"If they know what's good for them they will stay away!!!" exclaimed Sirius, playing with his `wand'.  
  
"Of course you girls are allowed in!!!" said Remus, looking at Lexi.  
  
"We booby-trapped it!!!" said Peter... he sounded oddly a lot like a rat would if it were people!!!  
  
They all took their seats , Lexi, Remus, Sirius and Brut-Hilda and sat together... Beccy and James were talking (but it way mostly paying each other out) but... Peter and Obesia were hitting it off very well!!!  
  
Towards the end of the trip Sirius was standing, still playing with his `wand', and was talking to Peter... until there was turbulence and Sirius was thrown forward and stabbed Peter in the chest with his wand.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!! SIRIUS KILLED Peter!!!" Remus yelled and stood up in shock.  
  
"YOU BASTARD!!!" James screamed in reply.  
  
"Oops!!! That was an accident!!!" Sirius said timidly  
  
"You stabbed him three times!!!!" yelled Obecia, then she went into shock and sat with a shocked expression on her face.  
  
"Its ok dude!!!" James added in a cool tone  
  
"Yeah!!! We don't even like him anymore... remember?!?" asked Remus  
  
"Oh yeah!!!" mumbled Sirius  
  
Obecia kept the same look on her face for the rest of the trip...Beccy was pointing and laughing at Obecia and Peter and chanting "Obecia and Peter, sitting in a bush, trying to have a baby, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!!! Oh... whoops!!! I forgot... peters dead!!!" Brut-Hilda and Sirius was an official couple and were holding hands and whispering sweet nothings into each others ears. Lexi, Remus and James just talked about nothing in particular...  
  
When the train finally came to a halt, they stepped out onto the platform and saw that the sky was full of large, dark clouds but no rain... yet.  
  
The girls were first years so they had to sail across the lake, the boys took carriages because they are second years, so the boys got into carriages while the girls went to choose a boat.  
  
There was a large man sitting in one of the boats. He was holding a pink umbrella, just holding it... he didn't look like he actually intended to use it. The girls started to pile into one of the boats but when Obecia went to get in he stopped her.  
  
"Look `a how `yer arrrrrrrr!!! Youuuu should get in `yer own boat... all to `yer self!!!!" he roared. All the other girls laughed at this comment and continued to laugh as they watched Obecia try and get into her boat, "buy the way `mi names Hagrid, I'm the games keeper." He continued after Obecia got into her boat.  
  
After a while they eventually got across the lake and Hagrid led them up to the castle. He knocked on one of the massive doors, after a few seconds a short, fat, balding man answered it "Ahhhhhhh!!! Hagrid!!! You're here, come in!!!" he said  
  
"Alright, just follow me." Said Hagrid, obviously trying to get away from the little man as quickly as possible. Hagrid led all the first years into a small room, which meant they all had to stand a lot closer to each other then they would have liked to, but there they all waited nervously talking about nothing and listening to no one.  
  
A/N: well... the next chapter is pretty kool... you find out WHY Hagrid wanted to get away from that man... I bet he turns out to be every ones' favourite character!!! He is definitely mine!!! He is actually based on my maths teacher... most of what he says, he actually does say!!! But I think we kinda exaggerate  how senile he actually is!!! Muahahahahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
~DaEvilBunny- soon to be Jo-Jo The Paranoid Cat (typed by)  
  
~Evil*Fairy  
  
~Rudi (who will be called Fruity-Bix from now on because I say so!!!)


	3. What’s with that shabby looking hat?!?

**Disclaimer** we own all the characters that we own (even though their all based on real people that I know... except Obesia *cracks up* Muahahahahahahaha!!! I came up with her)  
  
Evil Flying Monkeys!!!  
  
Ch. 3: What's with that shabby looking hat?!?  
  
It felt like a lifetime to the girls as they waited to find out what happened next. But in abOOt 5 minutes upon entering the room the short, fat man came and led them out to the rest of the school. There were four long tables where they could see the boys all pretending to stab Peter with their forks and Sirius was pretending to smash his empty plate over his head... but Peter didn't seem to notice, or he was ignoring them. But the girls were too nervous to laugh at this (except Beccy who was cackling) tried to pay attention to the man they saw earlier carrying a stool out to the front of the hall... he wasn't really walking but skipping and he was blowing raspberries for every step he took and he had a very shabby looking hat on top of his own shabby hat. He threw the stool and gently placed the hat on the stool. The girls noticed that there were eyes on the hat and there was a tear at the seam... it looked like it was pissed off for some reason. It moved around a bit  
before bursting into song:  
  
"I am the sorting hat,  
  
Yes me is!!!  
  
I am the sorting hat,  
  
Take my quiz!!!  
  
Do you want to be in Slytherin?!?  
  
Those slimy, creepy gits!!!  
  
Or there is Hufflepuff,  
  
Those stupid, little shits!!!  
  
But then again there's Gryffindor,  
  
Who really hate to lose!!!  
  
But last and definitely least, Ravenclaw,  
  
Who can't afford shoes!!!  
  
Only I gets to choose,  
  
Yes me dos,  
  
Cos I am the sorting hat,  
  
ME!!! Not you!!!"  
  
All the tables looked very annoyed at that colourful song, except the man who was laughing his head off... Beccy and Brut-Hilda were turning red from holding their giggles in.  
  
"Ok, after that lovely song from the sorting hat" said a stern looking lady with her hair in a tight bun, "ill call your names out in no particular order, you go up and try the hat on."  
  
"But it might bite!!!" yelled a smallish looking boy.  
  
"It WONT bite!!!" yelled the lady glaring at the hat on the word `wont'.  
  
Lexi, Brut-Hilda and Beccy weren't paying much attention to the sorting but were listening for their names... they were much more fascinated in a girl standing by herself at the end of the line, she had shiny red hair and emerald green eyes. They walked over and introduced themselves.  
  
"Hi, I'm Brut-Hilda"  
  
"I be Beccy."  
  
"Howdy ho!! I'm Lexi, what's your name?!?"  
  
"Lily Evans."  
  
"Obesia Eatwell!!!" called the lady, the girls suddenly gave their full attention to the sorting... they were the only ones left standing in line.  
  
Obesia waddled up to the stool and tried on the hat (she didn't sit on the stool out of fear of it breaking) it took a moment but the hat called "GRYFFINDOR!!!"  
  
She trotted over to the Gryffindor table and plopped next to Peter.  
  
"Alexia Present"  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!!!"  
  
"Lily Evans"  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!!!"  
  
"Brut-Hilda... Ummm... what's your sir name?!?"  
  
"Frafrecuga!!!" Brut-Hilda mumbled as she walked past and tried on the hat.  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!!!"  
  
"Rebecca Foxx"  
  
Beccy slowly walked up to the stool and put the hat on... it took a moment but the hat kinda went into a trance and started saying "their coming!!! Their coming!!! Ah hahahahahahahaha!!! Watch out for the pigeons... they'll get all of you... they will I tells ya!!! They will!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!! But watch out for the purple flying monkeys... their the real enemy they is!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!" then it snapped out and yelled "SHE'S EVIL I TELLS YA!!! SHE POSESSED ME I SEZ!!! PUT HER IN SLYTHERIN AND GET HER AWAY FROM ME!!!"  
  
Beccy was laughing something severe as she walked over to the Slytherin table.  
  
Once Lexi, Brut-Hilda and Lily had gotten over the shock of Beccy not being in the same house as them they started talking to the boys and Obesia.  
  
"So, you going to introduce us to your little friend or not?!?" asked Sirius  
  
"Oh yeah, Lily, zis iz, Jamez, Peter, Remuz and zat dozile creature iz Ziriz." Said Brut-Hilda.  
  
"Hi" said Lily timidly  
  
For the rest of the night no one spoke as they were all pigs and wanted to eat. Pretty soon the feast was over and the girls followed the rest of the group to a tower and through a portrait of a fat girl in a pink floral dress, then up some stairs to the girls dorm.  
  
In the dorm there were five four-poster beds with their trunks at the end. They had each climbed into their beds when in through the door came a short girl with light brown hair, as she burst in she fell over, landing flat on her face. the girls all suppressed giggles as the girl got up and dusted herself off.  
  
"Hi, I'm Brooke." The girl said as she tripped over her trunk and fell onto her bed, then acted like she meant to do it.  
  
"Hi." The girls said half-heartedly, they already didn't like her for some reason, she reminded them of Peter. They didn't bother introducing themselves, they just fell straight asleep.  
  
A/N: well, just for you pplz that is curious... Nikky doesn't show up for a while... but when she does she shoots lasers at Xena, Gabrielle and Jockser!!! Muahahahahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
REVIEW (I don't really care if you don't... we're gonna continue this anyways... also, if you feel it necessary, go ahead... FLAME!!! Muahahahahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
~DaEvilBunny- soon to be Jo-Jo The Paranoid Cat  
  
~Evil*Fairy  
  
~Fruity-Bix 


	4. The First Lessons!!!

**Disclaimer** we own all the characters that we own (even though their all based on real people that I know… except Obesia *cracks up* Muahahahahahahaha!!! I came up with her)  
  
  
  
1 Evil Flying Monkeys!!!  
  
  
  
Ch.4: The First Lessons!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
In the morning they all got up realising that they had all fallen asleep in their school robes. So they all changed into clean ones (except Obesia, who stayed in her robes from last night that had food slopped down the front (quite noticeable))  
  
When they were all dressed they made their way to the common room where they met with the boys who escorted them down to breakfast.  
  
Looking across at Beccy, the girls started waving and yelling for her to look, but Beccy just looked at them, forced a smile and waved quickly before turning around again.  
  
"What a little bitch!!!" Lexi said angrily.  
  
"I think she is just trying to impress the other kids…" said Obesia.  
  
"But ze fact zat she talkz to uz speakz verrrrry highly of her, doezn't eeet?!?" said Brut-Hilda.  
  
"Usually, but all of the docile fuck-wits she's with don't like Gryffindors…" said Obesia.  
  
"I don't really know her that well," said Lily, "but yous don't seem to really like her…"  
  
"that's not true… we like Beccy, she's *spost* to be our friend, ve just hate Obezia" Brut-Hilda said.  
  
Obesia gave her a dark look before getting up and running out of the great hall, her eyes dripping with tears… Peter tried to run after her but "accidentally" tripped over Sirius' foot and landed on a knife that lodged itself between his eyes.  
  
"OH MY GOD, They killed Peter!!!" yelled Remus.  
  
"YOU BASTARDS!!!" yelled James.  
  
"who's 'they'?!?" asked Lily.  
  
"them… they killed Peter!!!" answered James.  
  
"yes!!! But who's 'THEY'?!?" asked a very distressed Lily.  
  
"'Them', they're bastards!!!" James replied. Lily and James argue like this for a while till a prefect came with the timetables.  
  
"look Brut-Hilda!!! We've got a double of defence against dark arts first with Professor Sutherland!!!" Lexi said.  
  
"who iz Provessor Sutherland?!?" Brut-Hilda asked Sirius. Sirius just laughed hysterically and managed to choke out…  
  
"Professor Sutherland is they guy that brought out the hat…"  
  
"well… this should be interesting…"Lily plainly stated, "we should go get Obesia… before class starts…"  
  
So Lexi, Lily and Brut-Hilda carefully stepped over peters dead body and went to get Obesia. (AN: I'm too lazy to type what happened then so just use your imaginations to imagine them going up to get Obesia and walk downing to the classroom.)  
  
They walked into the classroom and took seat in the front. As they were unpacking their books and such they could hear a squelchy noise… soon Professor Sutherland skipped into the room, blowing raspberries for every step he took. When he got to the middle of the class and stopped dead and looked at the students as if they weren't supost to be there.  
  
"hello class!!!" he said in a docile voice, "I'm Professor Sutherland, p.r.o.f.e.s.s.o.r s.u.t.h.e.r.l.a.n.d [he spelt out his name in little letters like a-apple… not A-Ape] I am your defence against the dark arts teacha! I am your teecha! I live in this very room…" it was the truth, his clothes were hanging every where and there was a bed in the far corner. He kept talking about his life story for about 10 minutes and the girls didn't pay much attention till he suddenly yelled "SHUT UP RONALD!!!" everyone looked around to see who he was talking to until he enlightened them by stating "by the way, to all you new people, I'M Ronald, so I'm just telling myself to shut up and stop boring you all with my rambling." He climbed up onto Brut-Hilda's desk as he said this then quickly lowered his face to Obesias (who was sitting next to Brut-Hilda) as he yelled in a much quicker speed "Cos I talk too much!!!!!!!"  
  
Lexi and Brut-Hilda took one look at the fat, little man on the table and broke into fits of giggles.  
  
"GET THAT SMILE OF YOUR FACE NOW OR I'LL FORGET YOU'RE OVER 12!!!" he suddenly screamed.  
  
"But Professor… they aren't over 12…" said Obesia.  
  
"So?!?" he said with a goofy smile.  
  
"why 12?!?" asked Obesia.  
  
"Cos when I was a lad, yonks and yonks ago, we used to get the cane, but girls over 12 didn't, good enough?!?" Professor Sutherland asked in his docile voice.  
  
"yes" the class replied in unison. Professor Sutherland had a look on his face like the world had just exploded… "YES SIR!!!" He boomed, "I CALL YOU BY YOUR NAME AND BY CRIKEY, YOUR GOING TO CALL ME BY MINE!!! SIR, NOT PROFESSOR, NOT PROFESSOR SUTHERLAND, NOT EVEN Mr. DADA LIKE SOME STUDENTS LIKE TO CALL ME BUT SIR!!! s.i.r!!!"  
  
"yes sir." the class corrected. Sir put his goofy grin back on and climbed off of Brut-Hilda's desk, walked over to his desk (blowing raspberries as he walked) and started shuffling through his drawers till he (did a Mary Poppins) pulled out a fairly large cage. He strode over to Obesia and started to pluck the fairies that were flying around her head and putting twigs and such in her hair out of the air and throwing them in the cage.  
  
"now… what to you thingies think you are doing?!?" sir asked them. A purple fairy fluttered over to the door of the cage and said in her chipmunk voice "I am ditzy, this is Flipzy, Lipzy and Ralph."  
  
"why were you putting twigs and dead leaves and such in this young ladies hair?!?" sir asked and Obesia started pulling the crap out of her hair.  
  
"LET ME OUT OF THIS CAGE!!!" Lipzy (the yellow fairy) yelled  
  
"MAKE ME!!!" sir hollered back.  
  
"FUCK YOU!!!" Lipzy yelled (sounding quite humerus coming from a fairy that sounded like a chipmunk.)  
  
After sir stopped fighting with Lipzy, he actually started teaching them about vampires. By the end of the lesson, the fairies had escaped and disappeared. The bell rang and the class left quickly before sir could make even more of an ass of himself!!!  
  
They made their way down to lunch, as soon as they had stepped through the doors they saw written on the walls in huge letters 'SLYTHERINS HAVE LESBIAN SEX IN GROUPS!!!'. They suppressed giggles and skipped over to their table where the boys were sitting and eating.  
  
"do you know vo vote zat?!?" asked Brut-Hilda, pointing at the message.  
  
"uhh… that would be the marauders…" answered Sirius.  
  
"and VO vould zeaze mirauderz be?!?"  
  
"that would be… us!!!"  
  
"oh my gosh!!! You guys play pranks?!?" asked Lily, all of a sudden very interested.  
  
"Of corse we do!" the boys said in unison with identical evil grins.  
  
After lunch the girls had transfiguration, so they made their way to their room, Brooke, who announced herself by tripping over, soon caught them up.  
  
"can I help you?!?" asked Lily  
  
"no, nobody can help me…" replied Brooke, trying to be a smart arse as she dusted herself off.  
  
"Well… we're going over here now, feel free to stay here…" Lily said with a sudden outburst of bitch and led the other girls into the classroom, leaving Brooke to try and figure out what happened.  
  
Transfiguration was taught by Professor Mc Gonagal (SP?) [if you don't know what she looks like then you shouldn't be reading this]. They had to turn matchsticks into needles, Brooke being the only person who couldn't do it.  
  
When the bell rang they went down to the dungeons for potions. They had potions with the Slytherins so they had a chance to talk with Beccy. When they got in the classroom they saw the tables were in groups of four so Beccy, Lexi, Brut-Hilda and Lily sat on a table and Obesia sat with Brooke- the fairies had returned to Obesias head, but they had run out of sticks and such, it just occurred to the girls that the fairies weren't trying to be funny by putting the sticks in her hair… but were arranging them into little houses… THEY WERE BUILDING HOMES ON OBESIA'S HEAD!!! They found that quite humerus and gave the fairies a leaf of parchment for the fairies to use as decoration in their homes.  
  
Potions was taken by a very evil-looking teacher called Professor Monk, he set the work, but didn't tell them how to do it and always cleared his throat, doesn't sound that bad… but when he cleared it, it had a very flamy texture to it and reminded the class of the sound a very large bug makes when it got stood on.  
  
They got out of the class as fast as they could, skipped dinner and went strait to bed, trying to forget that dreadful experience. They were completely grossed out, but they remembered to change into pyjamas this time…  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Muahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Ok, I finally got off my arse… and back onto it… and typed this chapter up!!! Feel privileged!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
~DaEvilBunny (The Golden Goose!!!)  
  
~Evil*Fairy  
  
~Fruity-Bix 


	5. Beccy goes Bye Bye **written by Fruity-B...

**A/N:** This entire chapter was written by Fruity-Bix!!! *Clap, clap* had to give her some credit…

****Disclaimer**** I own Obesia… that is all… all characters that are recognisable belong to the powerful J.K. Rowling… all others are based on actual people… that's right… Professor Sutherland is actually based on our yr.8 maths teacher; Mr. Sutherland… more commonly known as Sir.

**_**Exothermic**_****_ RENAMED!_**__

**Ch.5: Beccy Goes Bye, Bye**

The next morning Lexi woke to a rustling noise, but being Lexi and because it was a school day, she kept her eyes closed to avoid being pestered into getting up. Then, quite suddenly, she felt something sharp scratch her nose. Quickly she opened her eyes and was surprised to see Obesia standing over her.

"Watch out, dumb-fuck!!! Your fairy houses are falling out!!!" Lexi said irritably.

"Sorry `bout that, but I'm hungry!!!"  And I've already been down to brekkie but I wasn't allowed to stay down for more that 30min alone eating…" Obesia explained, "And besides, Brut-Hilda slapped me across the face when I tried to wake her up…"

"I'm sure she didn't mean to," said Lexi, knowing that bullshit had just slipped out of her mouth.

"Oh yes I did!!!" moaned someone from across the room, "everyone knows I hate being woken up!!! Besides… I need all the beauty sleep I can get if I want to impress Sirius…"

"You need all the beauty sleep you can get full stop." Mumbled Lexi, but either Brut-Hilda didn't hear her or just ignored her was beyond everyone…

"And I'll do it again if I have to, to anyone that tries it!!!"

"GOD!!! You guys have to be the most annoying people I have ever met!!!" Lily cried. Just at that moment Brooke walked in… and fell over.

"Did you have a nice rest?!?" Brooke asked.

"I take it back!!! THAT is THE most annoying thing I have ever met!!!" Lily cried as the girls began rolling around on the ground laughing so hard that tears rolled down their cheeks.

Upon entering the great hall, they all knew straight away that had happened. Brut-Hilda turned white as she stood looking at the most disgusting sight she had ever seen.

"Vot ze fock?!?" Brut-Hilda said 

"Oh… YUK, YUK, YUK!!!" exclaimed Lily before turning and running out of the great hall crying to the hospital wing.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!!!" Lexi said then pretended to bend over and throw up.

"I think I've lost my appetite!!!" said Obesia, which was a sure sign of how bad things were. Because there, at the closest table they saw… Oh, it's just too disgusting to type out… I'll add it in later with the rest of breakfast.

After that terrible ordeal in the great hall, the girls went to see the matron Madame Pomfrey. She was an over cautious woman fresh from completing her matrons course at Flingboars.

"Oh… what is wrong girls?!?" Madame Pomfrey asked them.

"We just saw ___ ______ _____ _______ ____ ___ ______ _____!!!" Brut-Hilda said with a grimace.

"Oh, you poor, poor dears!!! What do you have for your first class???"

"Herbology." Lexi said.

"Well, I'll send an owl to Professor Bumblebum excusing you all from first period." Madame Pomfrey said sympathetically.

**~Ok; now I'm going to continue the horrible sight…~**

There, at the closest table they saw… Beccy, fully making out with this scrawny, pale boy with black greasy hair. Sirius, Peter, James and Remus ran over…

"She got hella cut about the message and is trying to prove that they're not ALL lesbians." James explained.

"And the slime ball she is making out with is a second year named… Severus Snape." Remus said.

"And as you can see, he is full feral!!!" Sirius finished

"You don't look to good, maybe you should go see the matron…" Peter said.

"Yeah, I think I might…" Obesia said, making puppy dog (AN: HARLEY!!! - *coughcoughJUSTDOGcoughcough*) at Peter (AN: Fruity-Bix- YUKKY!!!)

Then Sirius hit Peter over the back of the head, causing him to die.

"OH MY GOD!!! SIRIUS KILLED PETER!!!" Remus yelled

"YOU BASTARD!!!" James yelled after Remus. Then there was the part about not going to Herbology… so I'll continue from there…

Brut-Hilda, Lexi, Lily and Obesia were able to stay in the hospital wing until lunch. When they were able to bring themselves to enter the great hall, Beccy came running up to them.

"Oh god, I wish I didn't make out with Snape, now he thinks I like him!!!" Beccy yelled.

"Well, don't you?!?" Lily asked.

"No way!!! YUK!!!" Beccy screamed.

"Then why did you kiss him?!?"

"Because he was the closest guy and now I cant get rid of him!!!" she said with a groan.

"Serves you right, now we're all in therapy trying to erase that horrible sight from our memories!!!" Lexi said, still looking pale.

"Hey, I'm not the one who wrote 'Slytherins have lesbian sex in groups' am I???" Beccy said getting slightly pissed off.

"No, but ve didn't either and besides you didn't `ave do, do zat did you?!?" Brut-Hilda asked.

"Well, what would you have done?!?" Beccy asked

"Let someone else make a dick of themselves!!!" Obesia said

"You don't need to do something like that to look like a dick… you look like a dick full stop!!!" Beccy said before storming out of the hall.

"That bitch!!! She just called us dicks!!!" Lily said.

"No… she just called Obezia a dick." Brut-Hilda informed them.

"How would YOU know?!?" Obesia asked.

"Ummm… I'm basically sure that she only called you a dick…" Lexi said.

Obesia scowled then said, "Fine!!! She only called ME a dick!!!"

"Zats better." Brut-Hilda said.

After some yummy food that I'll think of later, the girls had another D.A.D.A class.

This time knowing what Professor Sutherland was like they took some seat further back than last time. And as before they heard a squelching noise followed by a thump. this continued for a minute until Brooke, who was sitting near the door exclaimed "The wanker is jumping down the corridor!!!" Which was true. He jumped up to the door but as he tried to jump through it he smashed his head on the doorframe (A/N: HARLEY!!! - Ouches!!! He went Shmack!!! A/N: Beccy- Shmack is MY word!! **pouts**) and knocked himself clean out for 45 minutes!!! SHMACK!!!

When he did finally come to, he spent the lesson explaining why he prefers 'briefs to boxers', and then in the last 5 minutes trying to learn peoples names but he kept screwing them all up. He called Lexi: Anorexia Eatwell, and A-Lice-Head… Brut-Hilda- Fruity-Bix (don't ask me how he thought of it!)… and Lily- Silly Billy. At the end of the lesson the bell was welcome. They had charms then, which was extremely boring so I ain't going to bother writing abOOt it… so… yeah…

They went to dinner and had more yummy food that I'll think of later and went to the common room because they were trying to avoid Beccy and her "boyfriend" (A/N: Beccy- NOT EVEN RUDI!!!). They attempted to do some catch up work for Herbology until Lexi suggested they forge a note from their parents for not doing it. Which did sound like a good idea at the time, but while lying in bed Obesia realised that would not work because they board… which caused a pillow fight in which everyone ganged up on Lexi until Brooke came in (insert- and fell over) and they attacked her instead. By the time they got to bed, they were exhausted and fell asleep immediately.

**A/N:** Dear the D.S.E members that didn't have the deciency of contacting us by email before abusing us in a review, go screw a tree… I say tree because nothing else will let you screw it… also, make sure that it has a lot of knobbly bits because I've heard that it makes it easier to stay on. Before you go making crazy accusations think aboot this… how can we copy something that we done even know exists and don't really want to know about, we take much pride in being stupid and mindless, we're not little, I for one can honestly say that I am the tallest girl in my grade and there is only 3 or 4 guys that are actually taller that myself, we are allowed to make fun of those less fortunate than ourselves because we find it amusing. **** Beccy Buts in**** I would like to add that I am sorry we "ripped" some of your crap off, but seriously I have no idea what D.S.E even stands for B.T.W what does it stand for? ****Back to The Golden Goose **** Although… we didn't actually think of ripping off other peoples stuff, and I am now taking great consideration in reading some of your stuff and REALLY ripping it of… or at least writing you an abusive review. 

**~The Golden Goose!!!**

**~Evil*Fairy**

**~Fruity-Bix**


End file.
